


All You Can Do Is Trust

by Branwen_Blaidd



Category: Sense8 (TV) RPF
Genre: Bisexual Male Character, Coming Out, Developing Relationship, Gay Male Character, M/M, Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:14:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27142297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Branwen_Blaidd/pseuds/Branwen_Blaidd
Summary: Will Max trust Brian with his journey of self-discovery?
Relationships: Brian J Smith/Max Riemelt
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

Brian discreetly let himself out of balcony door of Tuppence’s hotel room for a smoke. They had arrived in Seoul that morning and they had a couple of days before filming started again, to get over the jetlag, although it seemed like they were mostly used to that by now, if the volume of their exuberant chat and laughter was anything to go by. Brian grinned as he shut the door on the mini party, muffling the noise from inside. The curtain inside fell back into place, blocking out the light from the room.

As he leaned against the railing to light his cigarette, his thoughts turned to Max. They often did, when he was on his own. He hadn’t told anyone, and he wasn’t planning on it, but he thought Max was really hot. He was used to keeping crushes to himself, since he wasn’t really out publicly. He was pretty sure Max wouldn’t mind but, with any luck, they were going to be doing this job for a while. They had to keep things professional. The last thing he wanted was to make his friends uncomfortable.

He smiled as he thought of him. He’d been watching him, discreetly of course, in the hotel room. Away from the set, Max was shy. It was something Brian had never expected before he’d actually got to know him. He’d looked him up beforehand, like he’d looked everybody up, trying to get to know who he’d be working with. Max had seemed confident, fearless and cocky.

Now he knew him, he knew better. He was quietly confident, and he was fearless when it came to his acting. He would try anything, be anyone. But, in himself, he was shy, even humble. It was endearing.

Brian would watch him surreptitiously sometimes, trying to figure him out. Max was difficult to read but Brian was enjoying learning to. A lot of the time, Max sat back and watched them all, as if he were studying them too. It wasn’t as though he didn’t join in though. In fact, Brian had learned that he often had some deep thought or witty remark to put across. As the weeks went by, and his English improved and he got more used to them all, he made them laugh, more and more. One thing Brian had noticed was that Max often seemed to aim his jokes at getting _him_ to laugh. Or maybe that was just his imagination.

A shaft of light shone onto the balcony and Brian glanced behind him to see Max slipping out of the door, then closing it behind him. Without a word, he came up next to Brain, leaning against the balcony railing and letting out a long breath.

Brian glanced at him. ‘Y’all right?’

Max nodded. ‘I wanted some fresh air,’ he said, in that melodious Berlin accent. The sound of his voice always gave Brian butterflies.

Brian swapped his cigarette to his other hand. ‘I’ll try not to get any smoke on you.’

Max shrugged. ‘I’m used to it from the sets.’

Brian nodded. ‘I know it’s a terrible habit. I keep trying to quit.’

Max didn’t say anything to that and they just looked out over Seoul in companionable quiet for a little while. That was one of the things Brian liked about Max. it was comfortable just to be with him and neither of them felt the need to fill the silence.

‘They are being very loud in there,’ said Max, suddenly.

Brian laughed. ‘I guess they’re over excited.’

‘Yeah, they are always the same.’

Brian looked at him and saw he had a faint but fond smile on his face. A smile crossed Brian’s face too. They’d all got so close since this job had started, more like a family than any other job he’d ever been on before. It really was something special.

Max met his eyes and Brian felt a spark. He didn’t know if it was mutual but he often felt this spark between them and he felt like they had chemistry together. Perhaps it was only one sided though.

‘Can I ask you something?’ Max asked. His voice was quiet, a little unsure, like he thought Brian might be angry about what he wanted to ask.

‘Sure,’ said Brian, taking another drag of his cigarette. He was curious what Max could want to know.

Max hesitated, that little frown settling between his eyebrows as he worked out how to ask his question.

‘When did you know you were gay?’

Brian smiled. He was used to this question. Most straight people he came out to asked it at some point.

‘I guess it’s one of those things I’ve always known on some level. Knowing it inside and accepting it are different, of course. But you always know, deep down. I mean, it’s like if somebody asked you when did you know you were straight?’

Max looked at him for a moment. There was no readable expression on his face but there was something intense about his eyes.

Brian looked away; that gaze was so intense. Maybe his answer had been too snarky. 

‘I’m not sure I did,’ Max said, evenly.

‘Huh? What?’ _Did I just hear what I thought I heard?_ Brian trailed his hand through his hair and looked back at Max. His friend was looking at him with a faint smile on his face, almost a _fond_ smile. Maybe he was imagining it.

Max held his gaze for a moment, then took the couple of steps towards him, reached out and cupped his jaw. Brian’s arm dropped to his side and the end of the cigarette dropped out of his grip. Max just looked at him for a moment, those pale blue eyes sparkling in the bright white lights from the high rises all around them. He gave Brian half a smile, then leaned in and pressed a soft, sweet kiss to his lips. Max’s mouth was warm and soft and he kissed with firm but gentle pressure. Brian felt tingles spread through his body and all he wanted to do was push Max against the nearest wall and kiss him until he was trembling against him. But he didn’t want to scare him off. He didn’t know what this was about or what was going on in Max’s head. All he knew was that he didn’t want it to stop.

But it did stop. Max broke the kiss, his hand lingering on Brian’s jaw for a moment. His fingers trailed across Brian’s cheek and he smiled before dropping his hand.

‘I don’t really know what I am yet,’ he said.

Then before Brian could say anything, Max turned and went back inside. Feeling a little shell-shocked, Brian stayed where he was for a moment. Then he made sure his dropped cigarette was out before he followed Max back inside.


	2. Chapter 2

When Brian got back inside, Max wasn’t there. Everyone else was still talking and laughing together. He perched on the edge of the bed next to Tuppence.

‘Hey, where’d Max go?’ he asked, in an undertone.

‘Back to his room. He said he was tired.’

‘Oh.’

Tuppence frowned at him. ‘Why? Is everything all right?’

Brian looked away. ‘Yeah, fine. He just didn’t say he was going when we were talking out there.’

Tuppence held his gaze for a moment, studying him, then turned back to the group conversation. Brian leaned back against the padded headboard and let the chatter wash over him. His attention was not on the conversation and his thoughts were not in that room. They were with Max.

He hadn’t expected Max to have just left like that. Did he want him to follow him? Surely he would have said? Or maybe he was supposed to just guess at what Max wanted. How could anyone guess what Max was thinking? It was impossible.

He’d never thought Max would _kiss_ him. He’d _thought_ Max was straight. Clearly his gaydar was off.

But, no, he was certain that Max wasn’t gay. He’d talked about women he’d been with, and in a much more convincing way than any closeted gay guy. So what was this? Just some weird experimentation?

Brian felt a burst of anger in his belly. He didn’t want to be some straight guy’s experiment.

No, Max wasn’t like that. He was a good person. He wouldn’t deliberately do something hurtful like that. He’d kissed him. He’d kissed him because he’d _wanted_ to, whether he understood why or not. Max never did things just because. If there was one thing Brian knew about Max it was that.

Tuppence nudged him. ‘Hey, you sure you’re all right?’

Brian blinked at her. ‘Huh?’

She smiled at him. ‘You look like you’re zoning out. Jet lag?’

He shrugged. ‘Yeah, I guess. I’d better go to bed. See you tomorrow.’

She grinned. ‘I think it already is tomorrow.’

He rubbed his hand over his face. ‘Guess that’s why I’m tired.’

He said goodbye then headed out. He groaned as he stepped into the corridor. All the rooms looked the same. He dug his key card out of his pocket and checked the number on the little envelope. Yeah, that’s right. His room was five doors down.

Max’s room was three doors down. He paused outside Max’s door. He could knock, see if Max would let him inside. He could try that whole kiss him until he was trembling thing.

Or Max would tell him it’s nothing, that it meant nothing and he was just messing around. They were actors. They’d all kissed people without it meaning anything. Hell, he’d even kissed _women_ and made it look good. He and Tuppence kissed all the time.

If Max wanted him to come to his room, he’d have said something. It was just a kiss. It didn’t mean anything.

His thoughts still pulling him in a million different directions, he carried on to his own room.

Max lay on his bed, still with the feel and taste of Brian on his lips. He touched his mouth, holding onto the sensation. He’d been thinking about doing that for so long and he wasn’t even sure why. Or rather, he was still thinking about why. But he tried never to ignore his feelings. His general philosophy in life was to do what his feelings told him to do. And right then, his feelings had told him to kiss Brian.

He smiled as he remembered Brian’s confused face when he’d told him he wasn’t sure he was straight. That confused little frown. How did he expect anyone to resist kissing him when he puled those sorts of expressions?

He sat up. He could go to see Brian now, talk it through. Maybe take things further.

No, that needed thinking about first. He liked Brian. They were friends, good friends, as well as colleagues. He didn’t want to ruin their friendship, especially if he wasn’t sure how he felt yet. He wasn’t going to risk ruining that, just so he could work out who he was. Besides, he was already over thirty. Shouldn’t he know who he was by now?

He lay back down on his bed. He needed to think some more. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Brian. He sighed. But he’d hurt people before. He never meant to but sometimes his honesty got him in trouble. Plus, the life he led wasn’t particularly compatible with a relationship.

He was jumping ahead now. He didn’t even know if Brian liked him back. Fuck, he didn’t even know if he really liked Brian like that. All he knew was that he’d wanted to kiss him so he had. That was all there was to it.

No, he did know one other thing. He wanted to kiss Brian again. 


	3. Chapter 3

The next day was fairly relaxed. They weren’t required to do any filming that day but they were required for a read through, just to make sure they were on the same page. Like in the previous city, Nairobi, Brian was expecting not to have masses to do but he’d already learned to expect the unexpected with these writers. They liked to be open to possibilities.

But he was also hoping for some time to explore a little bit. He’d never been to South Korea before.

After a nice lie in and a good breakfast, he was feeling much more together. He had by no means forgotten about what had happened with Max the night before but he was determined not to think about it. It hadn’t meant anything. It was just one of those things between actors.

Everyone else was in high spirits as they were driven across to the studio. Brian was in the car with Tuppence, Jamie and Donna so he didn’t need to make conversation. Tuppence and Jamie were more than capable of carrying the conversation and Donna just listened contentedly. He knew how delighted she was to welcome her friends to her home city and she was clearly enjoying herself as the girls spotted various landmarks out of the windows.

He watched the city pass by him in silence, his thoughts repeatedly taking him back to Max, despite his best efforts.

When they all got to the studio, Lana had no trouble settling them down ready for work. Fuelled with coffee and snacks, they all sat around ready to read. As the read-through started, Brian sneaked a look across the table at Max. He looked a little tired, as if he hadn’t slept that well. He was wearing one of his favourite t-shirts; it was a sort of pinkish tie dye shirt. Another thing that Brian had learned about Max was that he found what he liked and stuck to it. What he wasn’t, was someone who experimented just for the sake of it. Sure, he liked to push his boundaries in his acting and face new challenges but only when he was actually passionate about the subject, not just because.

Max glanced up and met his gaze. He started slightly, as though he hadn’t expected Brian to be watching him. Brian gave him a subtle smile. Without stopping to think about it, Max smiled back.

But then the slightest blush appeared on his cheeks and he dropped his gaze. Fascinated, Brian kept his gaze on him. He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Max blush before.

Max didn’t look up at him again but Brian did notice that he started to fiddle with stuff a bit more. He shifted in his seat, rolled his pencil between his fingers and started taking more sips of his water. He even fiddled with the bottle cap when he wasn’t using it.

Only when he was actually reading a line did he go still and relaxed. Brian found it difficult to keep his focus where it should be, on his script, and instead his gaze kept drifting to Max. So far, he’d managed to keep his crush out of his mind most of the time, pushing it away as an inconvenience. But now, thanks to Max’s kiss, his crush was loudly making itself known. His heart was beating faster, his mouth felt dry and there were constant butterflies in his tummy. He had it bad.

Max had never enjoyed readthroughs. They weren’t a place for sinking into your character, just a place to focus and pay attention. It reminded him of school, which had never been a favourite place of his. But, it was part of the job and he normally managed to find his focus and do what he had to do.

But today was torturous. Brian kept looking at him. That brief eye contact had been all it had taken to disrupt his focus. His face felt hot and all he could think about was that kiss. Just a simple kiss, something he’d done countless times before, with people he liked, friends or just colleagues. Just a kiss. It didn’t have to mean anything.

But it had. He’d liked it. He’d wanted to do it again. And not just because kissing was fun or because he was hard up, but because it was Brian. He liked Brian. Just looking at him made him feel things he wasn’t used to feeling for a man.

But this couldn’t be right. He was straight. He’d never had these feelings before for another man, never felt like this before. _Not never_ , a voice in his head told him. 

He shook his head. It wasn’t something he’d allowed himself to think about before. Various directors had noticed chemistry he’d had with other men before and he’d always used that, if he could, to help with his performance. Hanno. They had had chemistry and they’d been friends for a long time, but they hadn’t had the hots for each other. They’d done what they needed to do for the film and they’d had fun with it. But that was just the movie business. That was what you did.

But this? This was different.

He thought back to one of the first scenes he and Brian had done together. Just him, Brian, Miguel and Jamie in the pool. He’d felt relaxed about it, even though he’d had to be naked for the scene. That didn’t bother him. Looking back, Brian had been nervous but he hadn’t known him well them and he just figured it was the usual nerves about a sex scene. But now he looked back on it, he had looked at him in an odd kind of way, bashful and hyperaware of himself. 

Max himself hadn’t felt anything in particular. It was just a scene, something that would be put together with something else later. He’d just had to focus on the moment and keep to his character.

But now, the idea of doing a scene like that with Brian, the idea of having their naked bodies against each other, the idea of kissing and touching each other, made him feel something quite different.

When the read-through was over and everybody started to chat and mix again, he got up to head to the snack table again. He’d had his eye on the pizza which had been put out in the last twenty minutes.

Tuppence and Jamie intercepted him halfway.

‘Max!’ said Tuppence, bouncy and exuberant, possibly after too much coffee.

He smiled at her and waited for her to say what she wanted to say. By itself, his gaze drifted behind her to where Miguel and Brian were talking. Miguel was laughing and putting his arm around Brian’s shoulders to give him a friendly squeeze. Something in Max’s belly flipped over at the sight of Brian’s sweet smile.

Jamie put her arms around his neck. ‘Oh, Max!’ she said, in a singsong voice. ‘Are you listening?’

He refocused his attention on her and Tuppence. ‘I’m listening.’

Tuppence grinned at him. ‘I know there’s food over there, Max, but we’re talking about food too.’

That got his attention. ‘Oh yeah?’

They laughed. ‘Yeah,’ they said together.

‘Listen, Doona’s going to take us to her favourite restaurant tonight, so we’re all going to meet in the hotel lobby at 7:30, okay?’ said Tuppence.

‘Sounds great,’ he said. He carefully extricated himself from Jamie’s grip. ‘I’m going to go for a walk to build up my appetite.’

‘Since when did you need any help with that?’ Jamie teased.

He shrugged, giving them both a grin, before he headed off. He went the other direction around the table to avoid Brian and grabbed a couple of slices of pizza before he headed out. Jamie was right. He didn’t need help with his appetite. He needed help with his focus. A walk would definitely help.


	4. Chapter 4

It took Max longer to get ready than usual. He was usually a throw on whatever was clean and comfortable kind of guy. He ever had a few copies of the same shirts because when he found something he liked, he stuck with it.

But tonight, he wanted to look nice. He knew Brian would be looking.

After much frowning in front of his hotel mirror and a few changes of shirt, he settled on a black shirt and his grey stonewashed jeans. Simple. Classic. He was also aware that a significant part of him was hoping to channel Wolfgang in the outfit. His character knew what he wanted and went for it. Max had to let himself be like that too, to go with his feelings and not think too much.

Most of the others were there already when he got downstairs. That was different too. Usually, he liked to get places early. But nobody said anything about it.

Brian was there. He’d gone with black too, but a tight black t-shirt and snugly fitting black jeans. Max found his gaze lingering on the bulge of his biceps through his t-shirt and the way his jeans cupped his ass. Brian really did have a good ass.

Brian turned and met his gaze. He held it for a moment with a smile, then his gaze swept downwards and he blushed and bit his lip.

Max couldn’t help but grin. Brian had the most adorable shy grin and he was blushing slightly. But before he could say anything, Jamie spotted him and practically skipped over to hug him.

‘Max! Oh, you look nice.’

‘Thanks,’ he said, with a smile.

‘We’re just waiting for Miguel. You know what he’s like. He’s probably still choosing his shoes.’

Max laughed. Miguel always liked to make sure he looked perfect. Jamie went to talk to Tuppence and Max glanced at Brian again. He wanted to go and talk to him, but Brian wasn’t looking at him anymore. Instead, he was looking at the floor and bouncing on his heels.

Max’s focus on his friend was broken by Tina’s appearance beside him. She linked his arm and rested her head briefly against his shoulder. ‘Are you all right?’ she asked, low enough so that only he could hear. ‘You seem distracted today.’

He glanced at her and smiled. Out of all the cast, he was probably closest to Tina, probably because he filmed with her more than anyone else, except the other Max, who he’d been friends with for years anyway. He and Tina had got on well straight away and he’d always felt natural around her. They had a similar shyness in common and they’d very quickly got comfortable together.

‘I’m …’ He hesitated, then drew her away from the others to make sure they couldn’t hear him.

She watched him curiously, waiting for him to speak. He knew she wouldn’t tell anyone else. She was the last person to gossip.

He leaned into her a little. ‘I’m just trying to work out if someone likes me. Someone in particular, I mean. And if … if I like them.’

She grinned and her eyes flickered towards the others. ‘Oh, I see.’ She lowered her voice to a whisper. ‘Do you mean Brian?’

Max straightened and frowned, pulling his arm out from her loose grip. ‘What? How do you … why do you think I’m talking about him?’

She laughed softly. ‘Because he definitely does fancy you. He does this smile whenever he looks at you and he always giggles at your jokes.’

‘Isn’t that just because my jokes are funny?’

‘Well, they are but he properly giggles every time.’

‘Oh.’ He glanced over at Brian to find him looking at him but he quickly looked away.

Tina nudged him. ‘There’s that as well. He’s always looking at you. He’s trying not to be obvious but he can’t help it.’ She paused and frowned. ‘Wait, you said you were trying to work out if you liked him back. I didn’t know you liked men.’

He raised an eyebrow at her. ‘Neither did I. I still don’t. I’m trying to work out how I feel.’

‘Well, when you look at him, what do you feel? What do you want to do?’

He glanced across at Brian again, who was now involved with a conversation with Tuppence and resolutely not looking at him. He knew what he wanted. He wanted to go right over and kiss him again.

But before he could even answer Tina’s question, the lift opened behind them and Miguel leaped out of it, immaculately dressed and grinning.

‘Are we ready, guys?’ he asked.

Tuppence rolled her eyes, though she was grinning. ‘ _We’re_ all ready. The question is, are you ready?’

He clapped his hands together. ‘I’m ready for the best food Seoul has to offer.’

Doona frowned worriedly. ‘I hope you like it. It’s my favourite but our tastes are all so different.’

Brian put a friendly arm around her shoulder. ‘I’m sure we’ll all love it. There’s a few Korean places in my neighbourhood back home. Bibimbap and Korean barbeque.’ He glanced round at Max. ‘You’d love the barbeque, Max.’

Max smiled at him and Brian’s eyes lit up and he did that grin again.

‘We’re going to Saebyukjib,’ said Doona, shyly. ‘Their BBQ is the best in Seoul but they do almost everything so you can all try whatever you’d like.’

Tuppence slid her arm through Doona’s. ‘I love trying new things,’ she said, with enthusiasm.

As they set off, Max glanced at Brian, who was walking a little ahead of him now. Getting involved with Brian would be something new. Did he feel up to trying it? Did Brian even want to? Yeah, he was pretty certain Tina was right and Brian did like him. But that didn’t mean he actually wanted to get involved with him. For a start, on set romances were always complicated and often a bad idea, and then the question was, would Brian even be interested in doing anything with someone who didn’t know what he wanted?


End file.
